The Art of Intentional Dialogue

Yes, communication is an art.  When done correctly, it takes on an art form all its own.  We all know people that like to talk, (I have been mentioned in those lists) and we all know people that can write, or speak, and even can spin great ideas.  Yet, to get the message across and ensure that action is taken in the proper direction, the best leaders must communicate as if creating art.

First, you need to be aware of your subject.  As a painter, you must know who you are painting, their age, gender, profession and intentions for the painting.

Second, you must know the set, including lighting, background and props.

Third, when creating a painting, the frame, colors used, and the canvas along with how and where the painting will be displayed are factors you must take into consderation.

Being an effective leader means finding a better way to communicate.  This art form is one that must be continually perfected and adjusted.  All of the same aspects as the painter need to be considered:

1.  Who are you speaking to?  Great leaders adjust to their audience.  They know that speaking to a seasoned veteran of the industry is not the same as speaking to a college aged entry level administrator.  Understand that their needs are different, their experiences are different and how they filter what you say will be different.
2.  What is the context?  Is the timing perfect, is the climate in the office or group up or is it down?  What type of pressures are you and the person (s) being communicated to under? 
3. How does what you are saying personally effect the receiver?  Are you delivering this message in writing, in person, to a group, or one-on-one.  All of these factors will contribute to how you say the what you say.

No question, that the final product, the art of what you say, is really in the how you say it.  Always form your conversations to be focused on the issue, and done so in a direct, yet gentle manner.  When you start thinking about your communications as important as the artist does their painting, you will then take care in how and what you say. 

The final thought on this, the right conversation at the wrong time is the wrong conversation.  Even the best modern painting will not appeal if it is being displayed in a romantic period gallery.  You need to know the right time to communicate.

CPF Principle

For years I have seen first hand organizations struggling to survive and hit their objectives, and usually it is because their priorities are not aligned.  The aligned could be just that they don't agree internally, or worse yet, it could be that their formula for success is founded upon a self gain strategy.

Let's look at a proven methodology that increases client satisfaction, employee/team member satisfaction and provides for a sustainable environment for growth for all stakeholders involved.  This can be used in just about any type of organization that is a for-profit group.

This is what I call the CPF principle and I first started implementing it as my key philosophy, and team expectation set, about 15 years ago.  The CPF principle is really very straightforward, 3 key things you must do as a leader to promote success and sustainability.  Three simple words, yet three challenging propositions.

C = Client
P = Profit
F = Fun

The big idea is that if accomplished, the client is happy, your group is making money and everyone is having fun doing it.

That's it, it is that simple, right.  Well, we will take a look at each of these in further detail in the coming posts ahead.

Excellence in everything and in everything, excellence.

Which came first, the chicken or the egg?  Well, I believe it is the chicken, but that isn't the point.  The point is that both are chickens, yet one begins the process. 

So, which comes first, doing everything in an excellent manner or expecting excellence in everything and from everybody, and therefore you get excellence in everything?  Just like with the chicken, you can make a solid argument either way.  For our purposes of looking at a better way to lead, it is the latter.

Certainly, doing things in an excellent manner is a great course of action and will yield great results.  Yet sustaining excellence in everything, and from everybody, requires that we expect excellence.  We know what we want, we know what excellence looks, feels and sounds like, and in all things, that is what we expect.  Then, from there, we perform and expect performance from our team, that will only be at or above that level.  It isn't about tasks, or doing one thing well, it is about doing all things well.

My son is a golfer and strives to play in school and beyond.  He is starting to learn the difference between enjoying golf and being a golfer.  If you have ever watched pro golf you realize how small the difference is between a good shot and a great shot.  The difference between first place and not getting paid for that tournament can be as small as 4 or 5 shots a round.   Average golfers want to be good and shoot in the 80's.  Pro golfers practice dilegently, for hours a day, expecting great results, shooting in the 60's.  They work with coaches, watching film of their swing, making adjustments, all to ensure that the results are excellent.  When the outcome falls short, they go back and adjust again.

Is that how you work, coach, mentor, lead your family or team?  Do you expect great results, in everything and from everyone?  When the outcome falls short do you reflect, learn and aim to improve?

In order to be a great leader, to create a following that delivers better results you must expect excellence.  Being average or as good as a competitor isn't enough.  Trying to keep clients from complaining isn't enough.  When things fail, making excuses isn't enough. 

Start expecting excellence and when you don't get it, ask why.  Start to learn and improve the daily practice and never lower the bar.  People tend to relax to the place where comfortable, make sure that is in the excellence zone, or take them back out the practice range.

A spirit of leadership

The world seems to view our leaders as those that just have spirits of courage, of risk, of vision and those that have made it.  The world is enamored with celebrity and those that become rich, even if what they do is a fad, or materialistic. The headlines are on scandals and stock markets rushes and on how much money someone did or didn't bring in.  The world celebrates fame and money, and highlights those that WIN at the success game.  Leaders tend to be described with phrases and words such as: powerful, dominant, aggressive, no mercy, a mover and shaker, a wheeler and dealer and the like.

Love, patience, goodness, kindness, gentleness, these are words that you rarely hear to describe leaders.  I have actually been told not to use those words in marketing at companies, they sound too fluffy.  I was told they were too personal and should be saved for families and parents with children, lovers, but not adjectives to describe our companies and certainly not our vision or our leaders, right?

Nothing could be further from the truth!

When you search history, and not the timeline of this week on Facebook, you will fine the best leaders EVER possessed these characteristics as part of their inner beings, in other words, their spirit.  From Jesus Christ to Dr. Martin Luther King, from Abraham Lincoln to Mother Teresa, from a long time loving foster parent to your favorite pastor, they all shared this spirit.

A spirit that showed their care for others in love. A spirit that showed their wanting for what was best by exercising patience not just pusuasiveness. A spirit of doing what was right, not popular, but always righteous. A spirit to lead by being kind, good and gentle, always acting with self control. They didn't "lose it". Each of them worked tirelessly, for the cause of who they led, without pomp and circumstance and always with critics.

Take time now to reflect on if these words described as the ideal spirit of leadership.  This "spirit" of leadership, is what comes from within you, naturally, without hesitation.  It isn't what you want to be or how you want to act, it is what you actually do and say.  Be honest with yourself and see where you can improve.

How do you react to conflict. Is it with with anger, bitterness, and malice? Do you have words that are gentle to heal, or do you speak with slander and hatred when your ideas are challenged? Take time, have the heart check and become a leader that has a spirit of true leadership and you will find yourself in some great company.

Breathe

Effective leaders in life and in business take breaks to think, to be strategic, to make room for new ideas and to just breathe.  In the rush of life, in the madness that can occur in running a business the real movement and growth comes from a leader that takes time for solitude. In these moments of solitude, the mind is free to relax, free to discover new methods and to renew the energy required to navigate the road ahead.

Follow these 6 steps below to effectively breathe and improve your performance:

1. Set a time each day to be quiet, remain still and gather thoughts.  The best time is when you first wake up and greet the day.
2. Set a time each week that you will remove yourself from fighting the fight and just dream about what the future can be.  Literally, block out your schedule.
3. Schedule one fun day/night per month.  If married or dating, regardless of your age, keep dating.  At work, schedule a lunch, a happy hour, something fun for you and your team.  Don't talk business, just enjoy the time.
4. Plan a vacation, and take it, at least one a year.  If finances are an issue to keep you from traveling, still use the time to be away from the normal routine and play.  Go to the park, have a picnic, see a movie or go to the zoo.
5. Always be reading a book that has nothing to do with your work.
6. Keep notes of what you come up with in your quiet times and breaks.  These concepts and thoughts are important to action steps needed to grow.

YOU ARE a leader!

No matter what your role is as one leading others, you are always in a position to lead.  Leading is influencing another in action, thought or direction.  Regardless of your role or position, if a person or group listens to you, or models your behavior, they have followed you and therefore you have led.

People say to me all the time, "Randy, I am just not a leader, I don't see any leadership traits in me".  Or, I will hear, "I have no title, I am just a clerk".  And one of my favorites is "I don't work, I am just a wife and mom".  Well, let me be the one to remind you that in each of those people above is a leader, and so are YOU!

Life is a journey taken with others, and in business, groups and families, decisions are rarely made without consult of others.  People working each day observe their peers in action, they refer to others for advice, they even vent and complain hoping for someone to help them.  And as for a mom or dad raising kids, is there a more fitting description for what we do...we lead our kids to adulthood.

Recognize that you are a leader.  It is tough to soak in what a leader should be and do until you accept that fact that you are one.  To someone each day, you are in a position to help them, encourage them, to guide them, for them to see you work in an ethical manner.  When you make your family priority number one, yet still get the job done, you are leading to those that have not yet found that formula.

The world is starving for leaders, for honorable people to lead the way.  Start thinking you are a leader, I promise you...many will follow!

People never disagree, argue or fail.

One thing for certain in life is that is can get messy.  People are independent beings, each bringing their set of ideas, values, perspective and solutions to the table.  When you fill a room and a team with highly skilled people, many times, they disagree.  What do you do in those moments?  How do you resolve a problem if tempers rise?  As a leader, what is your reaction when others challenge you, when your idea is called into question?  Or even worse, what happens when you are slandered and wrongly occussed of something you didn't do or didn't say?

If these types of situation have happened to you, then you know the types of emotions and tendencies that can be brought out of you.  If you haven't experienced this yet, trust me, you will.

Some great advice that I was given by a successful businessman turned leadership trainer, Jim Therrian, was this: put time between stimulus and response.  There it is, it is that simple...well to say.

Let's unpack that.  If you are challenged by someone in your team, an upset client, a family member, and they are heated in tone and words, do the following:

• Stop
• Listen
• Breathe (really, think about your breathing)
• And then wait, how long, well until you are ready

Not ready to attack, ready to talk.  You need to be in an emotional state of calm, and then when you approach them, you will be approachable.   If there tone and emotions are at a 10, and they bring you up from a 1 to a 7, you need to wait until you are back down to 2 or 3.  Then, approach them, I guarantee that there 10 has not only dropped down, yet when you have a 2, they drop further.

Two people at level 2 or 3 are passionate, yet poised.  Two people at level 9 or 10 are a disaster.