Perception is NOT reality

There is an old saying that perception is reality.  I would like to take some time to unveil the truth behind what perception is.  Perception is what someone believes something to be, and therefore, to them it becomes their reality.  That does NOT mean it is the actual reality, or the truth, yet it does provide for an obstacle in leading and accomplishing progress.

The reality is that a leaders needs to be able to lead, down and up, across and through and the perception of others can hinder your leadership.  The key point, however, is that to be successful as a leader, your vision, your methodology, your the ability to do the right thing, to remain focused on the larger goal and always have others' interests in mind is what makes you successful.  Trying to correct every misconception (or lack of reality) for each person is not feasible.

There is always going to be someone, somewhere, that perceives you not as your really are.  There is always someone that will bring you down, that says you aren't able or equipped.  There is always someone that will find fault in your work, and potentially personalize their message to be about you. 

This is what I call the perceptions gap.  This is the difference between reality and their perceived reality.

 The caution here, do not fall into the trap.  Here are the things to do to avoid reacting, or worse, having your self worth be based on the opinion of others and simply their perception of your performance. 

Make sure that you surround yourself with trusted leaders that give you honest feedback.  Have people that will be honest about your work ethic, about your vision, about who you are and what you do.  This can be family, friends, co workers, peers, bosses, anyone.  The quantity should be between 2-5 people, remember these are people you will allow in to the deepest part of your life.

Always reflect and be honest with yourself.  You know in your gut when you are doing your best, or not.  That deep part inside that says the direction is failing, means it probably is.  The opinion of your trusted advisers does matter, yet you know yourself the best.

Set goals that meet up with your vision and objectives.  I realize that many times in the workplace those are set for us, and we can't always change ours.  Saying that, are you accomplishing what is set before you.  Regardless of the many critics out there, if you are in alignment with your (or your set goals) then press ahead.

Communicate with others as much as possible.  Sharing the truth, the reality of what is occurring helps to eliminate the rumors and the perception gap.  Spend time sharing what is really happening, how it meets the goals and ultimately the vision.  By consistently communicating (see post on communication) you inform the reality and ultimately, change the perception. 

Your goal, is not to meet their perception, it is to influence it, and by doing so you close the gap and better align them to reality.

The winning ticket

Have you ever played the lottery?  Have you, or have you known someone, that won the lottery?  Not just a small amount, but that life changing, oh my, this is going to be crazy amount of money.  Have you ever thought about what you would do if you won a million dollars?  Well, as I write this there is a current jackpot worth over 450 million dollars to a single winner.  Wow, what could you do with 450 million dollars?

Everyone of us has a list, right.  We would give some away, we would pay down our debt, we would set up our families, we would buy a few nice things, travel and live on the rest.  No worries, life is set and we could live where we want and do what we want, forever. 

The real question is, why are you playing the lottery in the first place?  What is it about your life, the direction you have and your purpose that you can't build upon?  What makes you hunger for so much money that you are willing to give away what you do have for this remote chance of getting more.  We all hear the odds of winning big are worse than being struck by lightening.  How many people do you know that have been struck by lightening?

With the easy questions out of the way, let's get to the meat of the matter.  How many people do you know that are struggling with their purpose?  How many days do you wake up not knowing how you will make it through?  How many of you have or know someone who has cancer?  How many of you have kids, or have employees that work for you, or have siblings that count on you?

See, the real test of our character as a leader is when we stand up and face the real challenges in life.  Leading isn't about position, it is about influence.  How can you help others today?  How can you be an example of how to appreciate what you have and can control, and then build upon that to benefit others?

Start today, first, by not playing the lottery.  Secondly, invest your time in what skills you have, and where you currently are.  Whether it is your family, your co-workers, your family or friends, you have opportunities every day to win big.  The people in your life count on you, you are gifted and prepared for exactly what they need.  Dig deep, find the leader in you, the one that lights the path for others, that keeps the focus on things that matter.  The lottery, it is just a game that you really can't win.  Leading others to heights they couldn't achieve without you, that is the real winning ticket!

Blooming fruit again

Sometimes as a leader I have been so caught up with strategy, planning, execution and our progress that I don't always take time to pause, reflect and realign for improvement.  Sometimes, when we don't take the time to do those important elements of leadership, situations bring us to that point where we have nothing but time, stillness and possibly even void.

One of the most calming and reassuring quotes from scripture is "Be still and know I am God".  This points directly to the importance of pause and reflection.  It reminds us that many things are beyond our control and our reach, and that in the stillness we find many things.

I remember a time when I had spent nearly 3 years working on a new business strategy within a larger company.  We hired people, we pushed the new brand, we invested countless hours and resources to sell our new solutions.  While progress was made, many circumstances resulted in ultimately the business being shut down.  Upon finding out that decision, it was very difficult to face my staff, and also difficult to even know what to do.  My time was focused on the future and growth, and now, I had nothing to do but begin to shut things down.

When as a leader you find yourself with a failed business strategy, or a lack of direction, or a time where you are not bearing fruit, you need to be still.  You need to use this time to reflect on where you have been and what you have learned.  You need to also be completely still, just allowing this time to prepare you for the new season of growth coming ahead.

Each winter in the north the trees, the vines and fruit bearing plants go dormant, they do so and use the time to prepare for the upcoming spring.  Each year, they return stronger, bigger, with new blooms and growth and bearing even more fruit than they did previously.  Make sure that in your winter, in the stillness you let the time and stillness work, and ultimately prepare you.  Use the reflection and preparation for the spring time ahead, and even when you are anxious, don't rush spring, it will come when you are ready to bloom again.

Making mistakes

As we have said, it is important for a leader to remain strong in your vision and consistent in your direction. There will be times, however, that in hindsight it will be obvious to all, or to most, that the leader was wrong.  Maybe it was it was you said.  Or maybe, more than likely, it could have been in how you communicated or how you made someone feel based on your remarks, tone or facial expression.  It also may just be that the facts show that the decision or action taken was incorrect or in someway flawed.

What do you do when you are wrong, and know it?  Let's look at this from three perspectives, and we will start out with common myths.

Myth one:  Leaders are always right, and they aren't leaders if they make mistakes.
Myth two: Leaders show weakness when they say they were wrong. 
Myth three: People don't trust you if you admit your wrong.

Myth one:  Leaders are always right, and they aren't leaders if they make mistakes:  

We all know in our hearts that no one is perfect and no leader is either for that matter.  Sometimes, however, our society looks and analyzes our leaders, our politicians, coaches, pastors and business executives and when they are wrong, they want them fired.  When their decisions don't work, get rid of them.  When the team loses, they don't know how to coach.  Today's media and the culture of America that demands everything and everything now is tough on leaders.  The bottom line is that leaders don't always get it right.  Mistakes are made, the key is, what do you do when you make them?

Myth two: Leaders show weakness when they say they were wrong.  

Maybe you feel you will be perceived as weak if you say you are wrong.  Maybe you just have too much pride to admit to failure.  Maybe you aren't sure if they will still follow you if you are seen as incorrect, ultimately making you weak.  Whatever your reason, you are wrong, and you need to admit it:)

The reality is that people perceive you from their own eyes and with their own lens.  If you make mistakes and they know, and they know you know it, but you stand firm without acknowledgement of the mistake, they will see you as prideful.  You will become the unapproachable leader.  You actually become more weak when they realize that you don't see the truth.  The truth is, all people make mistakes, including leaders, and admitting you did is important.

Myth three: People don't trust you if you admit your wrong.

This is actually the most important myth to discover and revoke.  You want their trust, then you need to admit you were wrong.  People don't trust people that are prideful and oblivious of the facts.  You will gain immediate respect when you say, I was wrong.  More importantly, making a mistake means you need to do more than just say I was wrong, you need to apologize.  You need to amend the wrong and that is how the trust is built.

Your apology should be:

• In person (if at all possible). No text messages or emails, if you can't do it in person, do it over the phone.  Talk to the person so they can see and hear what and how you are saying it.

• Sincere.  Let them know, in voice inflection, eyes, your choice of words, you know you were wrong and you are sorry.

• A catalyst for the future.  You need them to follow you, if you want them to trust you, learn from your mistake and share that learning.  Let them know you have considered the outcomes and impact and are making changes to ensure the future is better as a result.

If you believe in yourself, have the confidence to learn from what you do right and wrong.  Share that learning with others and use the experience to be a better leader.

 

Looks like work

A common myth of making it to the top of leadership is that you don't work, others do it all.   If you study leaders and what makes them great is that what they do looks like work, why, because it is.  They may not be running machines, answering phones or teaching class, but believe that what they do is work.

Take a principal, they lead the school yet do not typically do any teaching.  My father was a principal for nearly 15 years.  Most of the students, parents and teachers that I still see from that time frame only remember him as their principal.  For the 15 years prior to that time, however, he was a teacher and a coach.  The days were spent with hands on instruction, guidance, running plays, reviewing film, grading papers and ensuring the students received the knowledge he was entrusted to provide.  As principal, however, many onlookers may just see a man that sits in meetings, that is in his office pushing papers, working on a computer or traveling to seminars.  The reality, as we all know, is that his role was to lead.

The work of a leader does look different than most of the work done by their followers.  This work, may entail more strategic thinking downtime, dealing with personnel one-on-one, moving from one person or task quickly to another, and may include more meetings.  A day in a life of a leader, though, still consists of work that requires work ethic, integrity in thinking and action, and ultimately setting and keeping the course for all of those "doing" the detailed work. 

After nearly 20 years of being in leadership roles, I found myself and other leaders in the office doing traditional work less than those that I lead.  What I also find true is that the stress level and "mind thought time" is far greater.  The mind thought time is those moments where a leader dreams, creates, runs thoughts and ideas and plans through their mind.  This is work, and how do you know.  A leader has a focused look, spends time on it, and uses it to formulate strategy and actions for the team.  This time may look like day dreaming, I say...it looks like work.

Resolute

A strong leader is willing to change their mind, yet they are not easily pursuaded by every group, idea or discontented followers.  In no way am I inferring that input and collaboration are not important, they are.  Input and feedback should always be rendered and given time to be considered prior to moving ahead.  Saying that, however, followers want and need direction that is consistent and they need to be affirmed by the leader that the course is solid and the destination is clear.  

A constant change or lack or consistency will ultimately lead to a lack of followers and a failed vision.  I have always likened consistent direction from a leader that is combined with room for individual decision making to be that similar to planning a trip.  Imagine that I told you I wanted to take a vacation and travel by car from Chicago Illinois to Orlando Florida and I wanted to arrive in less than 3 days.  I am going to allow you to plan the route, stops, food, stays and so forth and will provide $1000 to the budget to spend on all related expenses to getting us there.  

That is clear and direction communication and I have also allowed room for you to be creative, to make decisions and to act upon them.  If you come back to me and give me all the reasons why Florida is not a good way to go, or that maybe I should fly there to save time, I can listen to that, but in the end, if my destination is Orlando and I want to drive, those are not negotiable.  The rest is in your control and stays within the decision I have made.

Now take this to your world.  When you lead others at home, or in business you need to ensure they receive clear information and once the decision is made you stick with that direction.  The other key is that once movement is in place, don't get caught up in the details.  As in my vacation example, since I didn't specify what roads to take or where to stop, I shouldn't get involved in those details as the leader.  Your job is to monitor that the directive is carried out and you need to move on to the next idea. 

What is leadership?

If you were to ask 100 people the question, "what is leadership", you would more than likely receive 100 different answers.  I would also propose that many of them would be surrounded by theme of directing, managing or being someone that "gets things done".  The online dictionary at reference.com says, a leader is "a person who guides or directs a group".  Websters says, "the office or position of a leader, capacity to lead, the act or an instance of leading."

I heard a definition this morning on the radio that was from Dwight D. Eisenhower, he said, "A leader is someone that takes all the blame when things go wrong, and finds someone else to give the credit to when things go right."  Interesting thought.  This is also similar to what Jim Collins describes in his book Good to Great, when he mentions "...the best leaders look in the mirror when things go wrong and they look outside the window when they go right..."

From these two individuals, who lived their adult lives nearly 40 years apart, the definition from them is a bit different then our originals.

The dictionary definitions, which I believe are nearly the common thoughts held about leadership in our society, is that it is about position, or ability or about directing people.  I am not saying those are false, just that they might not be entirely accurate and encompassing of what true leadership is.

When we hold leaders to only specific positions, or if we only think their role is to direct our guide, then we start to reveal why our nation and our world is starving for real leaders.  Leadership is not about position or power alone.  It isn't just about vision or guidance alone.  It isn't just about communication alone.  Even though all of those are vitally important for any leader to possess, leadership is open to all.  There are so many opportunities to lead in our lives, daily, that maybe the word courage should be used in our definition.

Here is our working definition.  Anytime, anyone, is in a position to influence the actions of another person, and they have the courage to do so, that is leadership.  That's it.  It is that simple.

Don't lose sight of the little moments, with family, your co-workers, your friends, and those you see as you experience life.  There are constant moments where you can say or do something that impacts those around you, and in that moment, and forever that they remember and use those teachings, you have executed leadership for the betterment of another.

Go ahead, get out there and lead!