One thing for certain in life is that is can get messy. People are independent beings, each bringing their set of ideas, values, perspective and solutions to the table. When you fill a room and a team with highly skilled people, many times, they disagree. What do you do in those moments? How do you resolve a problem if tempers rise? As a leader, what is your reaction when others challenge you, when your idea is called into question? Or even worse, what happens when you are slandered and wrongly occussed of something you didn't do or didn't say?
If these types of situation have happened to you, then you know the types of emotions and tendencies that can be brought out of you. If you haven't experienced this yet, trust me, you will.
Some great advice that I was given by a successful businessman turned leadership trainer, Jim Therrian, was this: put time between stimulus and response. There it is, it is that simple...well to say.
Let's unpack that. If you are challenged by someone in your team, an upset client, a family member, and they are heated in tone and words, do the following:
- Stop
- Listen
- Breathe (really, think about your breathing)
- And then wait, how long, well until you are ready
Not ready to attack, ready to talk. You need to be in an emotional state of calm, and then when you approach them, you will be approachable. If there tone and emotions are at a 10, and they bring you up from a 1 to a 7, you need to wait until you are back down to 2 or 3. Then, approach them, I guarantee that there 10 has not only dropped down, yet when you have a 2, they drop further.
Two people at level 2 or 3 are passionate, yet poised. Two people at level 9 or 10 are a disaster.
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