Have you ever tried to solve a problem, improve a situation, influence another person, or pursuade a group to your opinion? The chances are that you have, and more than likely you have done so multiple times. Now, think back to a situation where the group and you had different opinions and ultimately you came to agreement.
I suggest that at some moment, there was silence. You know, that 7 second completely quiet moment where you didn't know what to do. The sound you didn't hear when you stopped speaking might have been like the uncomfortable quiet of awaiting for the doctor to share test results with you. You may have been tempted to speak, hopefully, you didn't.
Many times leaders, like sales people, tend to fill the void with their thoughts, partially due to the fact that they aren't comfortable with the pause. The waiting, the hesitation and sometimes awkward silence can create tension. If you fill that tension you simply direct the moment, stamp your authority and even if people agree with you, in the long run, they won't.
Whether it be a co-worker, a client, an employee, your spouse or friend, the golden moment happens when you stop. When you completely engage the other person and do one simple thing, listen. By hearing them out, by letting their voice be heard, you have offered them respect. You have validated them as having worth and their thoughts of being of value. Even if you don't agree, by simply listening, you have opened up the door for the opportunity to lead them.
Who knows, their ideas might have even been better than yours?
Funny, I think this is something that good teachers really learn to do. Not that we do it all the time. Sometimes we like the sounds of our voices too much. I have to admit, though, I have gotten new insights from my students.
ReplyDeleteThis principle was illustrated by Jesus in John 7 when a woman was being accused of adultery. People were throwing accusations while Jesus stooped down and wrote in the dirt before unloading a remarkably profound point.
ReplyDeleteToday I'm training a group that overall could be characterized as having more reserved personalities. I've found I have to allow longer bouts of silence to make sure everyone has a chance to add their voice to the discussion.
Thanks for the great reminder, Randy!